Reminisces of an Ex-Gamer

In my last blog I was pretty upset. I needed to vent and it felt good. When I woke up today the first thing that came to my mind was why did I need to write about it? Why was it so important that I tell the world just what I was thinking? As the day progressed a thought came to my mind that maybe it had to do with my gaming... or the lack thereof over the last few weeks.

To give you a little background, up until the last few weeks I have been an avid gamer. My particular addiction was the game "Lord of the Rings." I've been playing it since pre-beta three years ago. It has been a major part of my life over that time, and in that, a big waste of my time. What is worse is that there were others before that. I think about the many things that I could have been doing and I kick myself. Hours each day I spent sitting in front of my computer.

It is in those wasted hours that my problem arises. Those hours I wasted, I wasted seeking an escape from my problems. If I could drown myself in a fantasy world it wasn’t necessary to deal with the real one. Unfortunately that doesn’t make problems go away, it just postpones dealing with them.

The last time I played was 2 weeks ago. Since then I have been game-free. I am glad to be rid of it. I has meant an 180-degree change in my life. I am back in the Gym and going out more. I’ve already lost 30lbs (no all due to this of course. I’ve spent the last 6 months dieting) and am enjoying going and seeing the sites of Dallas that I’ve been missing.

Of course this is not all due to me. I have a few special friends at work who have been encouraging me and even going to the gym with me. We even walked the Big “D” half marathon a few weeks back. Much of this is due to their participation and encouragement. I do not think these changes would have ever happened without their friendship and encouragement. It’s too easy to immerse yourself in escapism and let the world go by.

The only problem that I am running into now is that I have a lot of free time. This may not seem like much, but in my case this is big. Now I have all sorts of time to mentally go over all of the failures in my life. I also have the nasty habit of over analyzing and being overly critical of myself.

Being self-critical is not always a bad thing. It can stimulate me to work harder and be more tenacious. However in this case it is bad. I spend time haranguing myself on whatever comes to mind. Why am I not dating someone yet? Why has it been so difficult? I ignore that it’s been only 2 weeks. I ignore the fact that I am a novice when it comes to socializing and that change will not come overnight. I want changes to happen now and have little patience.

This is why that I am blogging. This gives me an avenue to express my thoughts and address the problems that I need to overcome. Hopefully if you are reading this and can empathize with my situation you may get something out of it.

As I progress, I will try to write often of my thoughts and aspects of my life. Maybe in this way I can work though this and provide some insight into the trials you may face when re-injecting yourself into society.

It’s not easy, but then again nothing worthwhile ever is.